I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
