Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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