Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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