I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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