Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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