atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
