My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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