What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
