community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
