I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dual....:-)
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
