life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
