ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You are a genius and a whore.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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