Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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