nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
