im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
