feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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