Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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