I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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