Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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