I feel like I'm in dance class right now
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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