Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
