i think my tv is drunk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
