Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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