I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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