Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
