I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
