I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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