the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
