We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
