Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
