why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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