I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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