i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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