I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
