He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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