I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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