My girlfriend figured out who you are.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
