i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
