Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
