When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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