It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
