where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I need moral support for this bender
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
