The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
