Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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