you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
