Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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