Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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