Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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