I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
