He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need to calm my uterus...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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