SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
