erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
