we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
