You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
