We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
