the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
