I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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