is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
