just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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