Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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