these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
