What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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