chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
