I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
