Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
