i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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