laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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