I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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