it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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