I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
