I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
