I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
