I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
