If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
