Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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