you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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