did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
