I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drake has all the answers
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
