I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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