he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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