we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
