it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
