I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
