yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His hands were made for my vagina.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
